Memory

Some years ago, I was rummaging through the boxes of photos I found among my mother’s things after she passed away. Some of the photos had names written on the back, but most did not. I recognized the people in some of them, but mostly I have no idea who these people were. Nevertheless, I treasure the photos because they obviously meant a lot to my Mom; they were people she knew and loved.

Most of the pictures were small, black and white snapshots. Judging by the clothes and backgrounds, most were taken around the 1930’s and 40’s. I shuffled through those photos many times, trying to figure out who the people in them must have been, wondering about their stories. Finally, it all coalesced for me, and I embarked on a series of paintings using a lot of those photos as inspiration.

I was looking at one of those paintings just the other day, as I had had occasion to exhibit it at the local art league for their show titled “Portraits.” This painting isn’t actually a portrait, but it shows a scene I remember well from my own childhood. Grandma is rising from a chair in our living room, where my brother is stretched out on the floor watching TV. I’m going to say we were all watching Person to Person, with Edward R. Murrow, because my Aunt Lee is there, and she always came over for supper on Friday nights. In this painting, there she is, sitting in an arm chair smoking a cigarette, and I’m sitting on the floor beside her, admiring the smoke rings she blew so expertly. (I blame her for the fact that I took up smoking when I was a teen. Fortunately, I was able to break the habit over 40 years ago!)My Gramps is walking towards us from the ‘sunroom’ that occupied the front of the living room, and my mom and dad are sitting cozily on the couch. My Aunt Mollie is just entering the apartment from her own apartment across the hall. My Uncle Bennie is leaning casually against the fireplace. And there’s an inset view of the outside of our apartment building, on Chicago’s West Side, in the area we now call West Garfield Park.

The painting is titled “Memory,” which is, obviously, an apt title. All of the people in the painting, including, sadly, my little brother, are gone now. But I think of all of them often, with love. We say, in the Jewish tradition, “may your loved one’s memory be for a blessing.” The memory of each of the people in my painting is always a blessing.

My Brother, Irwin

This has been one hell of a week. One week ago today, I had a brother. Today I don’t.

My brother Irwin died last Sunday, just after midnight. He was only 77 years old. He hadn’t been sick, except for during this past month, since the day of his 77th birthday. Then all of a sudden, three of his four heart valves failed, and of course, subsequently his kidney and liver failed too. I can’t understand it. He’d been under a cardiologist’s care since his valve replacement 10 years ago. Why did they not know that 2 more valves were failing, and that the replaced valve was going bad, as well? Why did they diagnose pneumonia and not discover the true condition until it was too late to do anything? I simply can’t understand how or why this all happened. All I know is that my dear brother, Irwin, who I’ve counted on throughout my entire life, is gone.

Never again will we go out for lunch together, or celebrate a holiday together, or celebrate a family event. Never again will I call him to ask why my computer is acting up, and what should I do to fix it. Never again…. Those are hard words. Very, very hard.

Irwin was the best of the best. He was thoughtful and kind, caring and compassionate. He had a great sense of humor He was a mensch in every sense of the word. No one ever had a negative word to say against him. What could anyone say?

He was a devoted son and took after our father, of blessed memory, in many ways. He was a devoted husband of 53 years and a loving father to his son and daughter. He was a wonderful uncle to my children and grandchildren. Everyone loved him.

We are now in the season of the High Holidays, the Days of Awe, a time for reflection and contemplation and atonement. It’s the time when G-d reviews us and decides who will be written in His Book of Life for the coming year. Apparently, G-d decided a year ago that Irwin wasn’t going to be written in to finish out the year. Why not? It’s so completely unfair. G-d doesn’t need him more than we do. It’s impossible.

So now we have to pray and atone and hope that we are to be written into the Book of Life for 5787. But my brother Irwin’s page will not be written. G-d’s book is closed.